Alright, finally. I really had hoped to post on here every other week or so, but alas, it seems like I'm at a once a month pace. It's probably for the best. I have been involved with other really cool projects and have been spending my time working on those, but time is ticking with this project! I have to have it back to Brooklyn by March 31st so I'm just adding the last few pages and she will be finito! This post is going to cover a few lessons I have been learning as I try to piece together my thoughts and experiences with this project. The next post will be more of a story time. This isn't the last post so I won't do a whole summary of my research and feelings just yet.
The above picture is an illustration of one of the most popular answers I received as to why someone started their Tinder account. This was right after "to meet people"...which is another interesting phrase I feel like needs to be dissected because the term "meet" I found often just refers to the connection made through Tinder. Several of my matches on Tinder claimed that they had their account for a time ranging from a few weeks to several months and still hadn't actually "met" anyone in person, some of them claiming they never actually intend to.
Wearing your heart on your sleeve
My entire life
I’ve heard “Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve”, “don’t give too much because you might get
hurt”, “be compassionate but cautious..” etc. Last year during one of the
craziest seasons in my life I was talking to a friend about life things and she
mentioned that she thought that it was beautiful that I was the kind of person
who wore their heart on their sleeve. I thought she was joking at first because
I’ve been told that isn’t a good thing and it’s a vulnerable position to put
yourself in and I will just get hurt. After a year of some intense growing
pains, I cautiously glance down at my sleeve... and my heart is still there. It
is still hanging on, some days it feels like by just a thread, but it’s there
and I don’t ever want it to go anywhere else. I think that maybe the world needs
people to wear their hearts on their sleeves for a number of reasons. One of them being because we are surrounded by people
who have hearts that are so badly broken they may have trouble remembering what a heart
really looks like. Maybe those who have hidden their hearts so deeply
behind the highest stone walls need to experience the love and care from
someone who wears their heart on their sleeve.
I’ve realized that the term
wearing your heart on your sleeve is often associated with foolishness and
stupidity and that there is a sense of disappointment that comes along with the
phrase. I have learned the hard way, over and over and over again, but I have
learned. I have learned that there is a difference between loving or caring
foolishly for selfish motives, and loving or caring out of passion and
selflessness. Caring for others without expectation is one of the hardest
lessons I’ve been learning throughout my entire life but for some reason it has
come up time and time again over the last 2 years. It is so difficult that sometimes it feels
impossible. We naturally build expectations for people and granted, I
think that they are appropriate to have in some circumstances, but loving
someone or showing your friendship to someone “just because” has got to be one
of the most rewarding experiences. Now, the hardest time to wear your heart on
your sleeve has got to be after you feel like someone just beat the shit out of
it, smashed, ripped, and totally crushed it. In those moments when you feel
like gravity is crushing you and your heart may just have shattered right there
within your chest, be there in that moment. Be sad, be angry, be devastated, but try to understand.
I have learned that if someone has done this, there is a reason. Sometimes it
may come across like there isn’t one at all and that they are the ones that
seem totally heartless, but having the thought that maybe they seem
heartless because their own heart is so badly bruised and damaged that it is
hiding away or lashing out of some kind of fear, anger, and frustration that
may have existed before they even knew you, may just give you the sense of
peace or forgiveness which comes when you try to understand a person’s story or
motive behind their actions or words instead of trying to hurt them back. I
can’t help but wear my heart on my sleeve and I am so thankful that throughout
my own life I have not become hardened by my circumstances but have instead
tried to become resilient and compassionate. I am such a work in progress.
Parts of my heart go back and forth between being hardened and being fleshy and
vulnerable and back again which frustrates me because of my inconsistency. I need
to keep reminding myself and practicing the idea that caring for someone or
loving someone when it is easy isn’t what love is about. It’s in the pain,
hardship, and turmoil that deciding to love someone despite the circumstance,
actually counts. I pray that my heart does not become hardened by pain or
cynical thoughts that creep in on me so easily.
We have a choice. We can choose
to be forever haunted, devastated, and stunted by the pain and tragedies that
our hearts have endured, or we can choose to pick up the pieces, stitch that
heart back on your sleeve, and try again. However this time around maybe you are wiser, more understanding, and aware that old habits are comfortable and easy to fall back
into and that change and growth can be painful but is extremely necessary.
When people are rude, seemingly heartless or careless, it is so easy for me to wonder if it was something I did that is causing them to treat me like that. This wondering, questioning, and self evaluation can very quickly turn into insecurities and I caution everyone against that. I believe there is a healthy was to check yourself and analyze your character and actions, but if you are doing your best, being yourself, often the way people treat you is a statement of who they are as a human being and not a statement about you. That's a tough one to believe all the time, but it's a good reminder because there are so many variables that go into why people treat each other the way they do.
Adventure
"Loves adventure", "looking for adventure", "Adventurer"... I would say that about 60% of the profiles I came across on Tinder said something about adventure in their Bios if they chose to write something. That was up there with "Loves pizza and cuddles..." I laugh thinking about this word in regards to Tinder because although I'm sure the guys who wrote this on their bio may honestly be looking for adventure for themselves, it's clearly bait for the opposite sex. "Oh he's adventurous *swoon*" This term adventure, it seems to be everywhere these days, certainly a buzz word. I think the first time my generation started to really become fond of the word was when the movie Up was released. I won't spoil it for you if you haven't seen it (if you haven't please do), but I will say that adventure is a huge theme. I feel like it is a word that is so over used at this point it has almost lost it's meaning...or maybe I should say it seems to have several meanings. To some people going to Walmart at 2am is an adventure. An adventure could also be going on the back of a motorcycle taxi to a village in the jungles of Ecuador. Everyone has their own understanding of what an adventure is and everyone is on their own adventure. The latter part of that last sentence is one of the biggest lessons I've learned through working on this piece. In meeting new people (in both uses of the word both digitally and physically) it became crucial for my own sanity to go into every situation with the understanding that everyone is on their own adventure and that things may happen that don't make sense. Take "ghosting" for example. This is a term used in the book Modern Romance to explain when someone just stops talking to you ("talking" meaning corresponding through a technological outlet like texting or messaging) without explanation. There are several different social rules that could explain why you may have been ghosted, but sometimes there seems to be no real reason at all. This is where that understanding that everyone is on their own adventure needs to kick in or you may go insane trying to figure out what the hell happened (been there, not fun).
Things happen, people are weird, life goes on. Adventure is out there.
Do not chase people.
Work hard and chase your dreams.
The right people who belong in your life will find you and stay.
Do your thing.
