I have learned more about myself and about humanity through this project than I ever thought possible. What started out as my artistic coping mechanism to deal with the thought of casual dating and meeting new people has turned into one of the most eye opening experiences. I met 5 guys in person throughout the 4 months and each has a painting dedicated to them in the book. The last one I met about a week before I dropped off the project and the painting for him is a simple water color with this quote; "The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It's about what you're made of not the circumstances." He was so kind and sweet and had been through so many trials in his life but was not wallowing in self pity. He was driven and excited about new things. We had one drink together and though he was lovely to meet, the chemistry just wasn't there for me, and that's something I have a hard time faking. I finished the project a few days after meeting him and was ready to say goodbye to Tinderitis. It was a bitter sweet goodbye but I am so excited to share it with the readers that pick it up in the Art Library. The blog has already had more traffic than usual so I believe that is a sign that people are looking at the piece and following the link to here which is so exciting! Here is my last bit of writing that I will share, for now I suppose. Maybe I will have more to say about the piece in a few months. I wrote something similar in a letter that is tucked in at the end of the sketchbook and I think I will end with it:
To future users:
Please, I am begging you, if you just recently got out of a
relationship, give yourself some time to process that. I’m sure it wasn’t easy,
even if you were the one doing the breaking. Please spend some time getting to
know who you are as a person, as a single person and do the things you love
regardless of if there is someone beside you. Don’t start a Tinder if you are
bored or just need something to fill your time. Go outside, go read a book, go
do something new and exciting. These are real people on there with real lives
and real hearts and it’s not okay that this whole dating and modern romance has
become a game. It makes me sick. If you honestly are looking to meet new people
and try something new because your current situation doesn’t offer you the
ability to meet people your age then by all means go for it, but be careful. Try
not to take it personally if you get ghosted or people just drop off… I mean
unless you did something or said something weird… but still, remember that
everyone is on their own adventure, trying to figure out this life thing. You
may make plans with someone who seams like the bee’s knees, connect on the
important things, text or message for a few days, even a week, and then when it
comes to meeting up and making plans they flake. This will happen and has
happened to me several times. Each time is frustrating and disappointing but
you just have to move on or you will drive yourself mad trying to figure out
what happened. Onward and upward friends.
This is to all future users as
well. Sweetheart, please know that you are valuable, beautiful, and worth the
effort. Pay attention to how your matches communicate with you. Take note of
how the conversation goes, if they ask you important questions and don’t just
tell you you’re pretty or hot. Take note of what they ask and also what they
don’t. If they aren’t interested in what you’re passionate about and can’t
pretend to be interested, they aren’t worth your time. I mean sure if you’re
going for the hookups then none of my advice is relevant and I say you do you.
Don’t get caught up in trying to tame the player, it’s not worth your time and
effort. Please, love yourself first before attempting to care for another. Don’t
be afraid to be yourself and especially don’t be afraid to be confident in what
you believe, what you love, and who you are. Take chances but go with your gut.
Chemistry is real, and if you don’t have it, it’s pointless in faking it. Be
honest with people but be as gracious as you are able.
You may come across
some crazies, catfish, creeps, and some keepers. The crazies, those are a hoot.
I once got a 12 text bubble long rap about this dude’s life and how he hoped I
would be a part of it. The spelling errors made the read all the more comical.
I only had been in communication with him for 5 days. He was a bit delusional.
I found a few catfish profiles, even though I never really knew because I
didn’t meet them in person but all signs pointed to CATFISH. The creeps, the
ones whose first lines are vulgar and sexually charged, those are some good
screenshots for the Instagram profile “Tinder Nightmares.” Believe it or not,
there are keepers out there too. They are few and far between and even still aren’t
perfect, but are kind and passionate and interesting. I have learned so many
lessons from the people I have talked to through Tinder and have so many
stories I could fill a whole other book. Happy swiping!
-Sam
